Freedom being my favorite subject….. it seems to me that I am losing my own sense and sense of freedom. I don’t want to impose myself on anybody, though I do it many a times. But making myself adaptable, stopping myself from doing things or doing things because they are right is pushing me into a corner.

I am seceding into my own cocoon….. of thoughts, of inactions….where I don’t impose myself on anyone…but in turn I am killing my own freedom of not speaking out whatever I want to…now, that’s discipline and that’s what earns you a reputation. And reputation is again like chains; rules which you have set for yourself, which you chose to live by….a self made prison cell…

I am not too sure what I am writing which has been the case with me always…but it seems that change is required, a reputation is built by you, whether u chose to have it or not…
I like to think I am different and have a weird mind…but when I realize that I am no different from others, it hurts. One of my college mates used to say…."U tell him that he is normal, and he will lose it"….how true…if somebody makes u realize that u r also just part of the crowd when you think you are a class apart.

Today I came up with a theory which must’ve been mentioned elsewhere….my theory of “cling on”….

We cling on to our beliefs till our very last breath and till no argument suffices our stubbornness. Otherwise the very strong argument of you being like that only defeats all others.

I cling on to the belief that I am still a kid. I do different kind of acts to let the child within me live…even if I don’t enjoy it anymore; feeding a dead child. I am not letting it go and take the mantle of responsibility. Postponing matters won’t help. Although that doesn’t mean sitting with a long face all day long, but still it requires you to change your attitude which requires some conscious effort. Effort coz I have shunned it all these years and so the gradual process can no longer continue at its own pace. This “requirement”…this leads to freedom being lost…what a fool I am…contradicting my own self…..first feeding a dead child and now freedom lost.

Then there are others who behave as if they are ready for parent hood. Perhaps they are; strong, know the ways and walks of life and talk as if they have seen how the world behaves. And now that their beliefs have been set no one can dislodge them. Then, people like me have to emulate their “maturity”. They cling on to their mature state and wouldn’t shake hands with a Santa Claus on Christmas as it is too childish…….cling on, cling on to what you think is right…..





I wonder how many self doubting fools are there in the world…..and then are they the fools who don’t doubt themselves.

I set out to write something else and have written something altogether different.

Let my messes be released on a sheet of paper rather than in irrelevant talks.