Abhimanyu i.e.

Contemplation comes to those who have their stomachs full and as I have mine I would like to ogle my contemplations on this page in the form of words which are more often than not a poor tool to express feelings. But, better to have a tool than not to have any at all.

As I have always maintained, whatever I am is because of my parents and the people around me. I can always track back the roots of my thoughts and I always find out that they were never mine in the first place, they have been with me for such a long time that I feel they are mine. An Illusion.

Today I remember the day when I used to cycle for most part of the day in order to meet my daily errands of tuitions and school. I was in Xth at that time. That, although does not imply that I used to study a lot; I want to make it very clear that I attended the classes without fail. One day I had to get one passport size photograph to be clicked.

Dad, led me to a shop on his scooter while I was on my very own and faithful Hero-Impact. I was in a hurry as I had to “attend” one of my tuitions. The shopkeeper was a distant relative of ours (it always happens in our clan) so he had the right to be his talkative self. I told Dad I was in a hurry and my Dad who never enjoys anyone else speaking in his presence got an opportunity to escape. He told the man to click and get it done. He said the words “My son is more busy than I am nowadays”, which I still remember.

The truth is, I was .Today even when I am working I reflected back to that day, not with sympathy for myself but with a thought that how we keep running after life, for the rest of our life. Practically, I left home one year after XIIth when I studied (ahem...) in Lucknow for Engg. Entrance with my mother posted there as a Principal of a Central School. I would still argue to believe that I was out of home though I had the cosy comforts of my mom’s lap.

Today, 2000km away from home I am still running in order to make ends meet. I am not uncomfortable in any way but it just occurred to me, what is the difference in what I was doing back then in my Xth and now. I still have so less time for my family. I consider myself extremely lucky to have such parents, have such a close knit family .Being the youngest in a joint family has its own charm and I am not complaining even an iota. The only thing that I try to say is how we keep running after our lives. I am enjoying my life, living it;

But when I look back, I see how time has flown. My parents are growing old now and I am too busy leading my own life, chasing my own dreams. When I observe I see everyone doing the same thing and that is way of the world. I obviously don’t want to lead the rest of my life at home. It’s just the feeling of you not being able to take control of your own life. We work for ourselves and not for the work itself. Then how can our job dictate us how we lead our lives.

Today I bunked a training session; it is wrong I know. But there was this strange kind of happiness, joy that I did what I wanted to. That doesn’t mean that one should do whatever one feels like doing. It’s difficult to make anyone understand what I am trying to say. As I said earlier, words are a poor tool or I am an incompetent worksman.

My Dad said once in reference to one of my cousin elder brother when he died that he died like Abhimanyu. The whole family was out there trying to do their bit, make him comfortable in his sickness and disease but at the end it was he who had to fight and sadly he lost.

I project that thought just a bit. I think we all are like Abhimanyu fighting it out in our own Chakravyuha. No one can lead our life for us; in disease we have to suffer and recover, only we can crack a competition, only we can study for ourselves (study again) and not to miss, reap the subsequent benefits too; benefits of fame, of trust and the extreme happiness that one derives when he is satisfied with what he has done himself. We are always there in pursuit of a victory, when, perhaps victory lies in the battle itself, if it is fought in the right spirit. We just need Krishna to make things easier for us and bend the rules just a bit. Please Krishna help us to Reclaim Our Lives, the life of Abhimanyu i.e.